Sunday, March 22, 2009

Spring Bike Prep: The Gore and Stupidity

By Luxo-D

Stupid bicycles... I hate you, you're stupid!

So, you think a guy can just get on the old das Fahrrad and go for a little tour around the neighborhood... well forget it! That's the way it was, when yours truly here attempted to make the first ride on the Giro Mendota recently. BLOW-UP city is what this sad mother got! Uhh hmmm.

The Ginger Daddy inspired hope & glory
Anticipation was in the air. Fun they say. The Ginger Daddy said "GO, live the dream!" So, I tried... I tried... like a naive brain washed delusional dummy. The JOY, my friends, of the first ride of Spring...degenerated into an ugly accident prone tirade of self pity and annoyance.

All dressed up for The Tour de Garage
Yeah that's right, I never even made it out the garage. I got dressed and took the bike off the trainer, pumped up the front tire, went to pump up the back tire... and all hell broke loose from there.

Spokes like KNIVES
Yeeeouch! That's what I got, as I tried stupidly... to remove the pump nozzle off the bike valve. The spokes on the wheel are just like little knives waiting to gash any foolish finger entering it's realm. I even thought..."Be careful"....but it happened anyway!

From there it got worse. In five minutes I went from a full on tantrum. The kid...needed a time out. So I took one.

Flat tire repair and Sailor talk
I wrecked the tube! Now I had to change out the flat. Let me tell you, if you haven't changed a rear flat tire in awhile... it's a major pain in the von keester. No doubt. I even screwed up the derailleur chain combination on the back "Sprockets" to boot! Don't ask me what that's hosed okay, that's all you need to know. Shit.

This kid was so exasperated by this whole quagmire... this NAM like situation. I did what only a red blooded dedicated bicycle rider can do...

I drank a beer... and pouted.

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