Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Lakeville Lolligag...The Nut-Cracker Sweet!

By Luxo-D

There was a lot of talk this last season about the Lakeville Lolligag, who will do it, when, and at what time. It was supposed to be a litmus test on the quality of the rider. A CULLING if you will, of those worthy and those that are gutless.

Some brave souls made a credible job of it. Battled the Beast if you will. Yes indeed, some looked straight into the ZOMBIE Of DOOM and faced it head on...with Ma-GUSTO! Me? Well, I was kinda busy. But someone did...The Ginger Daddy!

*Hellfire Machine
The Lolligag, as it is known, coined and mapped by The Immortal himself, is a 30 mile endurance NUT-CRACKER, literally. I hate it, it sucks major whazoo. The long endless flats, compounded by long grueling hills, and wide open terrain...make the Lolligag something worthy of gagging. At one moment the weather can be a perfect bliss of Eldorado...still and majestic – the next...
a blinding, windy, burning or freezing cyclone of Fantastic HELL itself!

So how long does this bastard take to do?

I'm not sure what is supposed to be a good time on this route. Maybe 1 hour and 25 minute
s? Who knows. This wide open KILLER of HOPE changes minute by minute, day by day. Only The Ginger Daddy managed to make a test of it this season. Only he managed to place a measurable time that could be logged and discriminated. If he was out to earn a little street cred...he got it. I on the other hand, I had to do the laundry.

I know there are longer routes out there, maybe even more difficult...whatever, there's always
something. But one thing is for sure the Lakeville Lolligag is no joy ride. So put on some extra chamois cream, adjust the seat, drink up, and pray for the end...cuz girl friend... there's none in site.

* "Hellfire Machine"...a "Thorny" bicyling gonzo mofo riding extraordinaire!

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